Thursday, February 4, 2010

Asking, Seeking, Knocking

"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8 (Amplified Version)

I don't like to ask for help. I have an independent spirit - I don't know, maybe part of being an only child. So this last year and a half has been hard on me. I've always had a job, always worked, always attempted to take care of myself. But when I came to live at Global Infusion and do missions full-time, I gave those things up. Even though I've worked a little bit here and there to supplement, the majority of my living has been dependent on others to financially support what I am doing. And it has been hard to live like that. Part of it is that I don't want to bother or inconvenience anyone. I know the state of the economy right now and that many people are having to cut back financially. I don't want to feel like a burden. Another big part of it is just pride, though. I want to be able to do it by myself. I know I have the ability to provide for myself and I would rather do that then rely on others (or the Lord) to take care of me.

Since I returned from Thailand, financial support has dropped significantly. I have a couple consistent supporters, for whom I am extremely greatful, but not enough to live on. I have bills coming up that I don't have the money to pay. And it's nothing extravagant. It's just the bare expenses of food, gas, car insurance. I've been throwing around the idea of trying to fit in another part-time job, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. And again, that's me trying to take care of things on my own without asking for help. I walked into church last night, after really debating if I should go or not, and the pastor spoke on the verse written above. He posed the question that maybe this verse isn't only talking about our prayer requests that we make of God. Perhaps this is a challenge of community - that we are to ask those around us when we are in need for help and give them the chance to help us out. I started crying as he spoke, knowing that I was trying again to avoid that level of vulnerability and avoid asking of others.

I know that I am doing the Lord's work and that He has called me here for this season. I know that as believers, there is a Great Commission mandate on our lives. One of my missionary friends (Sarah) challenged me that it is a privilege for others to support me to do missions because it allows them to fulfill their Great Commission mandate, something that the Bible makes very clear we are all supposed to do. I struggle to think like that though, and instead often end up feeling like a burden just always looking for handouts. I'm trying to see it differently and to change my thinking.

The bottom line is that I need your help. I think I have a hundred dollars to my name, and $600 of expenses each month. I still need to raise about $600 for the Guatemala trip next month, too. I'm only gonna be here for 4 more months, so all together that's $3000 I need to raise. Can you help? Any amount you can give will truly be a blessing. No amount is too small. If 100 people read this and each gave $30 that would take care of it. You can give through Global Infusion ( to support my rent and trip costs, or you can give to me individually and help me cover food, insurance and gas. Both are needed and both are equally important. If you aren't able to give, you still can help. Pray for me, and pass this along to someone you know who can help. Each person can do something.

Will you help me?