Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Yes, I'm home...

So I went a little "under-the radar", "incognito," "m-i-a", or some sort of similar descriptive word to explain my absence of blogging since my departure from Phuket. The two weeks after I left were spent in Bangkok and India with little to no Internet, followed by re-entry to the US, which has involved lots of sleeping and face time with loved ones, Thanksgiving, the fabulous visit/roadtrip/intro to the family with Dan, and then a week of "catching up" on mail, bills, banks, car repairs, etc.

And so now I'm here, entering back into normal civilization. I'm not gonna lie - this is not an easy transition. And to be honest, even with the best explanations and descriptive words, you will never really understand. That is part of the difficulty of what I am experiencing as I return to US soil and my US life. I have changed. You have changed. All the best pictures and videos and stories of my time away will never allow you to experience what I have experienced. And the same goes for all you have been through. And I feel like I'm trying to fit back into a mold that I no longer fit in. It's like going to long without wearing your retainers. Things have moved and changed and it's no longer a comfortable fit.

And then there is the dreaded questions: "So what are you gonna do next?" Boy, I wish I knew. I'm gonna keep striving to love people like Jesus loves. Beyond that, I just don't know. I know change is on the horizon, but as to what exactly that is, I'm not sure yet. I'm in a season of waiting. I have a brief plan that lasts for about the next month, but even that could change at any moment. I am waiting on His voice and His leading, but also continuing with what I was doing before and also implementing the changes that happened in me overseas into this life. It's messy and frustrating. I'm sure there will be more updates as the days go by, but at this point I am taking one day at a time, seeking to hear His voice and take the opportunity to love as many people and share Jesus with them as I can each day. I believe that in that He will speak.

Pray for me if you think about it. I need it just as much now as when I was in Thailand, maybe even more in some ways. I need your support and encouragement as well in trying to adjust back to this culture. I need finances to come in during this transition time. Don't forget about me during this time. I would love to share conversations, stories, pictures, and coffee with you if you are willing to hear the good and bad, the joy and the pain, the laughter and the tears. There are both stories of triumph and success, and ones of defeat and disappointment, but it's real. And I think that is what God wants of us. To be real, and to risk loving even when it's messy.

And that's all I know to be right now.