Asking, Seeking, Knocking

"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8 (Amplified Version)

I don't like to ask for help. I have an independent spirit - I don't know, maybe part of being an only child. So this last year and a half has been hard on me. I've always had a job, always worked, always attempted to take care of myself. But when I came to live at Global Infusion and do missions full-time, I gave those things up. Even though I've worked a little bit here and there to supplement, the majority of my living has been dependent on others to financially support what I am doing. And it has been hard to live like that. Part of it is that I don't want to bother or inconvenience anyone. I know the state of the economy right now and that many people are having to cut back financially. I don't want to feel like a burden. Another big part of it is just pride, though. I want to be able to do it by myself. I know I have the ability to provide for myself and I would rather do that then rely on others (or the Lord) to take care of me.

Since I returned from Thailand, financial support has dropped significantly. I have a couple consistent supporters, for whom I am extremely greatful, but not enough to live on. I have bills coming up that I don't have the money to pay. And it's nothing extravagant. It's just the bare expenses of food, gas, car insurance. I've been throwing around the idea of trying to fit in another part-time job, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. And again, that's me trying to take care of things on my own without asking for help. I walked into church last night, after really debating if I should go or not, and the pastor spoke on the verse written above. He posed the question that maybe this verse isn't only talking about our prayer requests that we make of God. Perhaps this is a challenge of community - that we are to ask those around us when we are in need for help and give them the chance to help us out. I started crying as he spoke, knowing that I was trying again to avoid that level of vulnerability and avoid asking of others.

I know that I am doing the Lord's work and that He has called me here for this season. I know that as believers, there is a Great Commission mandate on our lives. One of my missionary friends (Sarah) challenged me that it is a privilege for others to support me to do missions because it allows them to fulfill their Great Commission mandate, something that the Bible makes very clear we are all supposed to do. I struggle to think like that though, and instead often end up feeling like a burden just always looking for handouts. I'm trying to see it differently and to change my thinking.

The bottom line is that I need your help. I think I have a hundred dollars to my name, and $600 of expenses each month. I still need to raise about $600 for the Guatemala trip next month, too. I'm only gonna be here for 4 more months, so all together that's $3000 I need to raise. Can you help? Any amount you can give will truly be a blessing. No amount is too small. If 100 people read this and each gave $30 that would take care of it. You can give through Global Infusion (www.globalinfusion.org) to support my rent and trip costs, or you can give to me individually and help me cover food, insurance and gas. Both are needed and both are equally important. If you aren't able to give, you still can help. Pray for me, and pass this along to someone you know who can help. Each person can do something.

Will you help me?

I'M ENGAGED!!!!

So the big news of the holidays for me was that over the Christmas holidays, Dan asked me to marry him...I said yes, of course! :) So we are engaged!!!!

I spent a wonderful 6 weeks or so in FL, catching up on rest, seeing family and friends and after Christmas - wedding planning as well!

I'm now back in Tennessee, where I will be staying until the wedding in June. I am helping out at Global Infusion as much as possible, while also working some on the side to pay the bills. Dan and I are planning to go with a team to Guatemala for a week in March, and we plan to stay involved with missions as much as possible when we are married, although at least initially it won't be our full time focus. We want to take a year or so to just concentrate on being married --- and enjoy being in the same state together!

So that is the most current update. If you would like to continue to financially support me through Global Infusion, that is definitely appreciated as I will be here the next few months and need to raise the money for the March Guatemala trip. Gifts can be sent to GI at:
4422 Timberlake Dr.
Louisville, TN 37777
And be sure to put my name in the memo. :)

I'll keep ya posted!

Yes, I'm home...

So I went a little "under-the radar", "incognito," "m-i-a", or some sort of similar descriptive word to explain my absence of blogging since my departure from Phuket. The two weeks after I left were spent in Bangkok and India with little to no Internet, followed by re-entry to the US, which has involved lots of sleeping and face time with loved ones, Thanksgiving, the fabulous visit/roadtrip/intro to the family with Dan, and then a week of "catching up" on mail, bills, banks, car repairs, etc.

And so now I'm here, entering back into normal civilization. I'm not gonna lie - this is not an easy transition. And to be honest, even with the best explanations and descriptive words, you will never really understand. That is part of the difficulty of what I am experiencing as I return to US soil and my US life. I have changed. You have changed. All the best pictures and videos and stories of my time away will never allow you to experience what I have experienced. And the same goes for all you have been through. And I feel like I'm trying to fit back into a mold that I no longer fit in. It's like going to long without wearing your retainers. Things have moved and changed and it's no longer a comfortable fit.

And then there is the dreaded questions: "So what are you gonna do next?" Boy, I wish I knew. I'm gonna keep striving to love people like Jesus loves. Beyond that, I just don't know. I know change is on the horizon, but as to what exactly that is, I'm not sure yet. I'm in a season of waiting. I have a brief plan that lasts for about the next month, but even that could change at any moment. I am waiting on His voice and His leading, but also continuing with what I was doing before and also implementing the changes that happened in me overseas into this life. It's messy and frustrating. I'm sure there will be more updates as the days go by, but at this point I am taking one day at a time, seeking to hear His voice and take the opportunity to love as many people and share Jesus with them as I can each day. I believe that in that He will speak.

Pray for me if you think about it. I need it just as much now as when I was in Thailand, maybe even more in some ways. I need your support and encouragement as well in trying to adjust back to this culture. I need finances to come in during this transition time. Don't forget about me during this time. I would love to share conversations, stories, pictures, and coffee with you if you are willing to hear the good and bad, the joy and the pain, the laughter and the tears. There are both stories of triumph and success, and ones of defeat and disappointment, but it's real. And I think that is what God wants of us. To be real, and to risk loving even when it's messy.

And that's all I know to be right now.

Bye Bye Phuket!

In about 4 hours I say my goodbyes to everyone at SHE and leave for the airport and fly to Bangkok. I'll be meeting up with a few people from GI there - we'll stay there a few days, go to India for 6 days, and then back to Bangkok for a couple days before flying back to the States. Pray for safety as I/we travel and have an eventful last twelve days overseas. God is gonna do some big things! More updates to come soon. :)

Needing Direction

17 days now...it's really flying by.

My last post was talking about how I don't know what the next step is when I got back, and now another short-term opportunity has come up. Please pray with me as I decide about going on another short-term trip to a different Asian country the end of January. It's a new country that we will be traveling to with GI and is just a 1o day trip. I want to go if that is where God wants me, but I want to be sure. I know missions is always in the will of God, but I obviously can't go on every trip. It would be just under $2000 and I would definitely need the money to come in to purchase the plane ticket. I really need direction about this, and need to make a decision quick as they are planning to purchase airfare in the next few days. Please pray with me about this, and share any words the Lord gives you for me about this decision. Thanks! :)

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

This is whats up...

28 days. 28 days and I will be back on American soil. Home. Or is it? I struggle more and more with that word. I think I follow more to the "home is where your heart is" mantra, although at the moment I feel like my heart is in at least 3 different places if that's the case. There is my "home" of Phuket, and more specifically SHE, where I have lived and loved for the last 5 months more deeply and purposefully than I have any place ever before, then there is Tampa, where I still consider to be "home" with all my beloved family and friends, Tennesse - both Cleveland and Knoxville could in some regards fit the bill for "home", and now there is this fabulous man running around with my heart in New York, so even though I've only been there once, my heart is already at "home" there now, too...
So what will all this mean? I see the 28 days drawing closer and closer and I have about 6 weeks planned out from there. Now, after living this "missions" lifestyle, advanced planning for 6 weeks out seems like a pretty long time in my mind, but I know it's gonna go like a snap of the finger. And then what? Well, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea. The options are limitless at this point. I could continue with Global Infusion, I could move to one of the various "homes" listed above doing any number of jobs that I could look for, or it might include someplace new - like the new home where my heart is waiting in NY ;), or even some place completely new. Have I mentioned that I have no idea? Cause I don't. But I'm not worried. God will not cease taking care of me as I search out the answer, and I honestly believe He's gonna speak and make himself clear in those 6 weeks. You can believe with me for this, and for the resources to sustain me as I figure it out. God is so good.
A quick testimony: I was extremely low on funds and in need of an airline ticket home and the money for expenses while I finish here, and I bought my airline ticket by faith. Within the next 24 hours after I bought it, over half the money was coming in through various supporters who contacted me. Now, just a couple weeks later, all the money is in! Praise God! (And a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who gave to help get me home!) He is so faithful, so I know He'll take care of me as He reveals the next step. He always has. He always will. I love that He's the "yesterday, today and forever" kind of God. The One you can ALWAYS rely and put your hope in. "Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is unfailing love..." Ps 130:7. Wow. What a good God. So that's whats up. :)

Just at the right moment

So I've been struggling with my "ministry" here at the moment, wondering how much of a difference it really makes that I sit and talk to girls while they are drinking and don't really know the language I speak and just feeling generally frustrated at this current place I'm in, and then I read this is the book "The Wounded Healer" and it really touched me, so I'm gonna pass it along. Hope this is for someone.

One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. The people were kins to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man were handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing over the boy to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: "It is better that one man dies than that the whole people be lost."
Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. And after the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the vollage because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sadnes, he remained in his room. That night an angel came to him, and asked, "What have you done?" He said, "I handed over the fugitive to the enemy." Then the angel said, "But don't you know that you have handed over the Messiah?" "How could I know?" the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said, "If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known."
While versions of this tale are very old, it seems the most modern of tales. Like that minister, who might have recognized the Messiah if he had raised his eyes from his Bible to look in the youth's eyes, we are challenged to look into the eyes of the young men and women of today, who are running away from out cruel ways. Perhaps that will be enough to prevent us from handing them over to the enemy and enable us to lead them out of their hidden places into the middle of their people where they can redeem us from our fears.