I like to think of myself as a healthy person, especially in regards to what I eat. This is a really hot subject right now, and it seems like wherever you turn you can hear a different suggestion of something to eat, not to eat, to take, not to take, and so on and so on. I like to eat pretty naturally. Though I have not officially "switched-over" to organic, I try to be aware of what is in the foods I eat and consume as few "processed" or packaged foods as possible. And I love a balanced deal. All my roommates over the years have teased me about this, because I am the girl who wakes up early to make eggs with veggies in them, cut up fresh fruit and maybe even cook up some turkey bacon. It's just what I like to do.
I'm also passionate about missions, and I want to be able to eat whatever is put in front of me. Now, I do draw the line when strange animals or animal parts are offered to me as food (the "fish balls in Thailand - round hot dog like products made out of various fish...yuck!), or other incredibly weird things, but I do what I can. If there's a food that I don't like (especially if it's healthy) I try to train myself to like it, so if someone serves it to me I can enjoy eating it. I've done this for years now, and have successfully added zucchini, bell peppers, onions and mushrooms into my diet, among other things - many of those are my favorite veggies now!
So, recently I've been working on adding 2 more things into my diet: grapefruit, and almond milk. It's going great for both of them (although I took more naturally to the grapefruit over the almond milk)! I started reading about the health benefits of grapefruit in particular and there is a list about as long as my body of what these juicy fruits provide for us! They're packed with Vitamin C and their acidity helps to break down infection and even cancerous cells in our body...the list goes on and on. They also are lower in sugar than many other fruits and help with controlling blood sugar and weight loss. So, I've been having half a grapefruit with breakfast most mornings.
The almond milk thing isn't any great conviction against dairy milk, which, let me tell you, many people have. I've heard for years the argument of us being the only mammals that drink another mammal's milk, or even drink milk past infancy, and always thought that was a good point, but didn't do anything about it. Also, being a musician/singer and someone who deals with seasonal allergies, I've felt the effect that dairy has on my throat and congestion, and have since returning from Thailand significantly cut all the dairy that I consume. I lived with very little of it when I was there, and felt great, so just decided to keep it up upon returning to the US. So it's more of a personal decision than anything. I still eat some dairy and drink some milk. But I did decide to read some articles on dairy milk since I've heard some really negative things about it.
Now let me interject here that I have a Masters of Science in Counseling - a field where research and statistics are vital and required components of our course work. Because of this I am inherently skeptical of "statistics" or "research". An argument can be made for both sides of just about any subject you can think of, nutritionally or otherwise. The person trying to get to the bottom of which research finding are "true" or not could take years studying who funded each study, what their bias might have been in putting forth their answer as "truth", and which results are actually significant enough to prove their point. For example, one time in our graduate research methods class we were assigned to research if Vitamin C really is helpful in reducing the common cold. I won't get all nerdy and scientific on you, but suffice it to say by the end of our study it seemed that the results were not significant enough to prove it actually helped. What could be determined was that if you believed that Vitamin C would help you fight a cold, it probably would. If you did not believe that it would help, it probably wouldn't. Really. Enough about that though...
So back to the subject, I started reading and - surprise, surprise - I found so many different conflicting opinions about the effects of dairy and health. Of course this is what I expected. These things seem to shift back and forth. A new study comes out and everyone switches from dairy milk to almond milk, butter to margarine, then back to butter again, eat eggs, don't eat eggs, drink a glass of wine, don't drink a glass of wine, on and on. I'm sure we all can think of examples of this. It can be very frustrating to a health-concerned individual; and if you get too concerned with it, you can spend all your time researching and changing and re-changing your mind with every new study or fad diet that comes out. It's exhausting. It brings to mind a passage of Scripture:
"Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won't be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth." - Ephesians 4:14
Now, I'm clearly not talking about nutrition anymore, nor do I mean that those who research what they eat and try to implement the new findings on nutrition are "immature like children." I guess what I'm getting at is that at the end of the day the wisdom of the world is just that: wisdom of the world. Fads and teachings go back and forth like the waves in the ocean, and if we rely on that wisdom, we can get taken along for the ride. The good news is this:
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." - James 4:17
While popular opinion changes daily, we have a heavenly Father who remains constant and unchanging. It's important to be healthy, but it's not THE most important thing. Personally, I would rather try to eat reasonably healthy but still affordably, and use the money I've saved from not buying organic or over-priced health food to feed a child in another country who has no food at all! We do our best, and we forget the rest. The good thing is, if there's something we're really unsure about, or really want to know, we can ask Him! His wisdom is available to us about every subject we can imagine - whether deciding to eat dairy or not, what car to buy, how to parent our children, or what to do with our lives. He has an interest and an opinion and it is the BEST one available. While we change and vacillate and develop over time, He just IS. "I am that I am." - Exodus 3:14. What assurance we can find in the wisdom of God when the wisdom of man leaves us grasping for answers!
We are ever-changing, Lord, yet You remain the same.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
What are we saying?
I've been wrestling with some things lately. I think this is an integral part of our faith. Anytime we stop wrestling with concepts in our beliefs we need to be careful. Complacency has likely already seeped in.
For the last year or 2 I constantly find myself reading and gravitating to Romans 8. After getting married, Dan and I have been (although inconsistently) working on memorizing this chapter and renewing our minds with all the truths it contains. We've gotten about 13 verses in, which isn't even halfway, and I can't wait until we get to the end, as this chapter culminates with the description of nothing in all creation or life or death being able to separate us from the love of God. We have, however, gotten to one of my favorite scriptures in that chapter: verse 11.
"And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit, who lives in you."
The Spirit of God is living in you. This is a pretty basic premise of our faith, but I don't think we really get it. The Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of us! We carry that Spirit and that power with us wherever we go! Whoa, that's huge.
When I was in India last year, I traveled around preaching a lot. They would take me to remote villages to preach or would even gather hundreds of Indian pastors together and have me teach them. This was unbelievably humbling, as these men probably have such a greater understanding of taking up their cross daily and following Christ than I when faced with daily persecution and the loss of everything in their lives in order to preach the Gospel. I would wonder what I could possibly teach them, and thought it would probably be better for me to sit down and let them teach ME about what it means to follow Christ. But time after time this passage would come to mind, and I would share an encouraging word with these men of God to help them realize the power and presence of God that dwells within them continually. I felt if they could tap into an understanding of the power they carry inside of them as Christ-followers, they would see their nation totally turned towards the heart of the Father. But in my return back to the US, I think I dropped this truth into the Pacific Ocean somewhere, cause I know I don't implement this into how I live in the day-to-day.
If I really believed this and understood this truth and let it get a hold of me, would I feel the need to constantly pray and ask the Holy Spirit to "come" or "invite" Him into a place? He shows up when I show up. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, and it's His Spirit that is living on the inside of me. I can't go anywhere that I don't take Him with me. And yet we sing song after song in our worship settings inviting the Spirit to "come" and "fall." I'm not saying that He doesn't sometimes (and often!) show up in these corporate settings in a "manifest" way that seems like He is entering or filling a place, but in reality is it our mindset that has to change in order for Him to move?Would a better prayer be for the Lord to open our minds to make us aware of the Spirit that is already dwelling in us? Are we speaking in a way that assumes His previous absence in a place until "invited" to be there?
I'm just thinking that maybe, when we use this type of language and vocabulary, we continue to train ourselves in thinking that the Spirit is not already dwelling inside us, and we ignore the fact that He can be released into a situation anytime we just show up. This keeps us continually in a place of lack, and feeling like we constantly need to invite the Spirit into someplace He already is, instead of renewing our mind to accept that He is there as soon as we are there. The power of life and death is in the tongue. How are the words that I'm speaking, or even praying from an earnest-heart releasing life, and allowing His Kingdom - that is at hand - to move on the earth? I would rather pray that my mindset shifts to line up with the Word of God, rather than continue praying in a way that stands in opposition to the truths declared in it.
How differently would we live if we lived with this mentality? What in us would change? What would change in the world? And what would change in the spirit? Lord, let me live in such a way that I release Your Kingdom wherever I go, and that I understand that the One who raised Jesus from the dead is residing inside of me at all times.
For the last year or 2 I constantly find myself reading and gravitating to Romans 8. After getting married, Dan and I have been (although inconsistently) working on memorizing this chapter and renewing our minds with all the truths it contains. We've gotten about 13 verses in, which isn't even halfway, and I can't wait until we get to the end, as this chapter culminates with the description of nothing in all creation or life or death being able to separate us from the love of God. We have, however, gotten to one of my favorite scriptures in that chapter: verse 11.
"And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His spirit, who lives in you."
The Spirit of God is living in you. This is a pretty basic premise of our faith, but I don't think we really get it. The Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of us! We carry that Spirit and that power with us wherever we go! Whoa, that's huge.
When I was in India last year, I traveled around preaching a lot. They would take me to remote villages to preach or would even gather hundreds of Indian pastors together and have me teach them. This was unbelievably humbling, as these men probably have such a greater understanding of taking up their cross daily and following Christ than I when faced with daily persecution and the loss of everything in their lives in order to preach the Gospel. I would wonder what I could possibly teach them, and thought it would probably be better for me to sit down and let them teach ME about what it means to follow Christ. But time after time this passage would come to mind, and I would share an encouraging word with these men of God to help them realize the power and presence of God that dwells within them continually. I felt if they could tap into an understanding of the power they carry inside of them as Christ-followers, they would see their nation totally turned towards the heart of the Father. But in my return back to the US, I think I dropped this truth into the Pacific Ocean somewhere, cause I know I don't implement this into how I live in the day-to-day.
If I really believed this and understood this truth and let it get a hold of me, would I feel the need to constantly pray and ask the Holy Spirit to "come" or "invite" Him into a place? He shows up when I show up. Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ, and it's His Spirit that is living on the inside of me. I can't go anywhere that I don't take Him with me. And yet we sing song after song in our worship settings inviting the Spirit to "come" and "fall." I'm not saying that He doesn't sometimes (and often!) show up in these corporate settings in a "manifest" way that seems like He is entering or filling a place, but in reality is it our mindset that has to change in order for Him to move?Would a better prayer be for the Lord to open our minds to make us aware of the Spirit that is already dwelling in us? Are we speaking in a way that assumes His previous absence in a place until "invited" to be there?
I'm just thinking that maybe, when we use this type of language and vocabulary, we continue to train ourselves in thinking that the Spirit is not already dwelling inside us, and we ignore the fact that He can be released into a situation anytime we just show up. This keeps us continually in a place of lack, and feeling like we constantly need to invite the Spirit into someplace He already is, instead of renewing our mind to accept that He is there as soon as we are there. The power of life and death is in the tongue. How are the words that I'm speaking, or even praying from an earnest-heart releasing life, and allowing His Kingdom - that is at hand - to move on the earth? I would rather pray that my mindset shifts to line up with the Word of God, rather than continue praying in a way that stands in opposition to the truths declared in it.
How differently would we live if we lived with this mentality? What in us would change? What would change in the world? And what would change in the spirit? Lord, let me live in such a way that I release Your Kingdom wherever I go, and that I understand that the One who raised Jesus from the dead is residing inside of me at all times.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
We hope not in what is seen....
So married Liz has trouble sitting down to blog. Maybe we can work on that. :)
This has been such an interesting season. I love being married. It's by far the coolest thing ever (outside of Jesus). I'm thrilled being married - every moment of it.
...but...
That doesn't mean there haven't been challenges. I can not find a job. Maybe I should re-frame that. I can not find the right job. If I walked into McDonalds or Walmart, even a flower shop or retail store, I'm quite sure I could find SOMETHING. But I haven't found the job I'm looking for. Since we've moved to Atlanta I've been looking for a job in the counseling field - one that will allow me to get my LPC for Georgia (licensed professional counselor - means that I'm legit and can bill my services to insurance companies, among other things - an important element in my field). But I can not find one. It's not even a matter of being turned down again and again. There have only been a small handful of job openings I've found that will even take on a non-licensed counselor. And of those, no one is hiring me.
Now, I'm a hard worker, I've got great references, and pretty decent work experience/skills, but all these things are not getting me a job. Not even interviews. I've only had one. And then they never called me back. It has been easy for me to get frustrated, even get my feelings hurt about this, and feel like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm in the wrong field. Maybe I should be looking for different types of jobs. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. After all, I get job offers in Tennessee. These are the types of statements that roll through my head.
...and yet...
I know He called us to move here, specifically. I know He led me to a graduate counseling program. I know He gave me the skill-set that lends me to being a therapist. I know these things because I know the voice of my Father. I know what it sounds like when He speaks something. This is something He's "called" me to do.
Dan has had consistent work and we're not in a desperate situation for me to immediately find something. I have to continue to put my hope not in what is seen - the lack of job, lack of savings we are building, job market and global economy - and instead fix my gaze on what is unseen and eternal - the Lord knows the plans He has for me, He will direct my path, His ways are not my ways, they are for good and not for harm to give me a hope and a future.
There is some reason I haven't found the job I'm searching for. Maybe it is just to make me lean more on my Father. Maybe He's just wanting to give me time to take care of my husband or have a season of rest. I don't know what is reason is, but at the end of it all, I know He's got me. I may have to remind myself that everyday...but I'm getting it. Slowly. He's got me and He's enough for me.
And that's really all I need to know.
This has been such an interesting season. I love being married. It's by far the coolest thing ever (outside of Jesus). I'm thrilled being married - every moment of it.
...but...
That doesn't mean there haven't been challenges. I can not find a job. Maybe I should re-frame that. I can not find the right job. If I walked into McDonalds or Walmart, even a flower shop or retail store, I'm quite sure I could find SOMETHING. But I haven't found the job I'm looking for. Since we've moved to Atlanta I've been looking for a job in the counseling field - one that will allow me to get my LPC for Georgia (licensed professional counselor - means that I'm legit and can bill my services to insurance companies, among other things - an important element in my field). But I can not find one. It's not even a matter of being turned down again and again. There have only been a small handful of job openings I've found that will even take on a non-licensed counselor. And of those, no one is hiring me.
Now, I'm a hard worker, I've got great references, and pretty decent work experience/skills, but all these things are not getting me a job. Not even interviews. I've only had one. And then they never called me back. It has been easy for me to get frustrated, even get my feelings hurt about this, and feel like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm in the wrong field. Maybe I should be looking for different types of jobs. Maybe we shouldn't have moved here. After all, I get job offers in Tennessee. These are the types of statements that roll through my head.
...and yet...
I know He called us to move here, specifically. I know He led me to a graduate counseling program. I know He gave me the skill-set that lends me to being a therapist. I know these things because I know the voice of my Father. I know what it sounds like when He speaks something. This is something He's "called" me to do.
Dan has had consistent work and we're not in a desperate situation for me to immediately find something. I have to continue to put my hope not in what is seen - the lack of job, lack of savings we are building, job market and global economy - and instead fix my gaze on what is unseen and eternal - the Lord knows the plans He has for me, He will direct my path, His ways are not my ways, they are for good and not for harm to give me a hope and a future.
There is some reason I haven't found the job I'm searching for. Maybe it is just to make me lean more on my Father. Maybe He's just wanting to give me time to take care of my husband or have a season of rest. I don't know what is reason is, but at the end of it all, I know He's got me. I may have to remind myself that everyday...but I'm getting it. Slowly. He's got me and He's enough for me.
And that's really all I need to know.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Season of Learning: Reading List
Married life has brought on a new phase - a phase of rest and learning. This has been quite in contrast to the last phase I was in and I am trying to enjoy and soak up all that I can during this time, knowing it will only last for a season. God is so good though, always faithful, and He provides us with just what we need whenever we need it.
So my husband and I really like to read. And we love to learn. And we love to worship. So between the two of us, we have quite a collection of books and worship music. And we are busy devouring each others books, since our collection has doubled due to marriage, and we are also busy adding more during this season we have to read and learn from the Lord. I'm just so happy to have time to read again, after grad school and then 2 years of missions. So I want to share with you some of the titles and musicians we love and think you should check out. Some of these books are pretty well-known, and others are not so much. Same with the music. The Lord has really been drawing us to intimacy with Him, and a deeper understanding of His love and how that effects the way we live our lives for Him, so much of these reflect that theme.
Here's some of my recommendations:
"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. If you haven't heard of him, you are in for a treat. Look him up online. He pastored a large church in CA called Cornerstone and there are tons of his podcasts available to listen to online. And they are really good. He also wrote a second book - "Forgotten God" that Dan read (I haven't read it yet) and says is also good.
"Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. Amazing, and life changing book, written somewhat autobiographical about his stories. This guy was challenged to take the Bible seriously and it has taken him to Iraq, India and the slums of Philly, living in community and loving like Jesus. You really have to read this. It will change you. And if you like it, he's written a few others - "Jesus for President" and "Follow Me to Freedom".
"Heavenly Man" by Brother Yun. This is the true story of a Chinese Believer who basically lead the underground church in China. His story took place during our lifetime, which just blows me away. It is another must read.
"The Missions Addiction: Capturing God's Passion for the World" by David Shilbey really helps to answer why we should be doing overseas missions. Very inspiring. I read this while at Global Infusion.
If you like Biographies/autobiographies, I really recommend reading Reinhard Bonnke's book. He is an evangelist to Africa primarily, and has seen millions of people accept Christ. No joke. He holds crusades with more than 1 million people coming in a night. He's got some crazy God stories. He just came out with a new autobiography called "Living a Life of Fire", but there's a smaller book of his stories too called "Even Greater." I think any of his books would be good, though.
Oral Roberts' book, "Expect a Miracle" is another great autobiography, and dear to my heart since I went to ORU. He's such an anointed healing evangelist.
Someone a bit heavier, but really good is Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a martyr during Nazi Germany and wrote extensively on the Christian faith. I would put him in the category of C.S. Lewis. We have "Cost of Discipleship" but I also saw a new biography about him "Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy" that I want to get.
Hungry for revival? Read "Jesus Culture" by Banning Liebscher. This tells the story of Jesus Culture, a ministry birthed out of Bethel Church in Redding, CA. Bethel and Jesus Culture have some really amazing musicians and worship leaders as well. This was the conference Dan and I went to in July. Check out Jesus Culture Band, Kim Walker, Chris Quilala, Brian and Jenn Johnson, and Bethel Live for some really incredible praise and worship.
I know there are a ton of other good books out there, but these are some of my favorites. I'm always looking for more though, so let me know some of your favorites. I'm not too into fiction - I prefer biographies to fiction, and love books that teach me something, I guess you would classify them "Christian Living."
Happy reading. :)
So my husband and I really like to read. And we love to learn. And we love to worship. So between the two of us, we have quite a collection of books and worship music. And we are busy devouring each others books, since our collection has doubled due to marriage, and we are also busy adding more during this season we have to read and learn from the Lord. I'm just so happy to have time to read again, after grad school and then 2 years of missions. So I want to share with you some of the titles and musicians we love and think you should check out. Some of these books are pretty well-known, and others are not so much. Same with the music. The Lord has really been drawing us to intimacy with Him, and a deeper understanding of His love and how that effects the way we live our lives for Him, so much of these reflect that theme.
Here's some of my recommendations:
"Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. If you haven't heard of him, you are in for a treat. Look him up online. He pastored a large church in CA called Cornerstone and there are tons of his podcasts available to listen to online. And they are really good. He also wrote a second book - "Forgotten God" that Dan read (I haven't read it yet) and says is also good.
"Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. Amazing, and life changing book, written somewhat autobiographical about his stories. This guy was challenged to take the Bible seriously and it has taken him to Iraq, India and the slums of Philly, living in community and loving like Jesus. You really have to read this. It will change you. And if you like it, he's written a few others - "Jesus for President" and "Follow Me to Freedom".
"Heavenly Man" by Brother Yun. This is the true story of a Chinese Believer who basically lead the underground church in China. His story took place during our lifetime, which just blows me away. It is another must read.
"The Missions Addiction: Capturing God's Passion for the World" by David Shilbey really helps to answer why we should be doing overseas missions. Very inspiring. I read this while at Global Infusion.
If you like Biographies/autobiographies, I really recommend reading Reinhard Bonnke's book. He is an evangelist to Africa primarily, and has seen millions of people accept Christ. No joke. He holds crusades with more than 1 million people coming in a night. He's got some crazy God stories. He just came out with a new autobiography called "Living a Life of Fire", but there's a smaller book of his stories too called "Even Greater." I think any of his books would be good, though.
Oral Roberts' book, "Expect a Miracle" is another great autobiography, and dear to my heart since I went to ORU. He's such an anointed healing evangelist.
Someone a bit heavier, but really good is Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was a martyr during Nazi Germany and wrote extensively on the Christian faith. I would put him in the category of C.S. Lewis. We have "Cost of Discipleship" but I also saw a new biography about him "Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy" that I want to get.
Hungry for revival? Read "Jesus Culture" by Banning Liebscher. This tells the story of Jesus Culture, a ministry birthed out of Bethel Church in Redding, CA. Bethel and Jesus Culture have some really amazing musicians and worship leaders as well. This was the conference Dan and I went to in July. Check out Jesus Culture Band, Kim Walker, Chris Quilala, Brian and Jenn Johnson, and Bethel Live for some really incredible praise and worship.
I know there are a ton of other good books out there, but these are some of my favorites. I'm always looking for more though, so let me know some of your favorites. I'm not too into fiction - I prefer biographies to fiction, and love books that teach me something, I guess you would classify them "Christian Living."
Happy reading. :)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Lessons from the Fava
So I'm sitting here in my new apartment with my new husband, and am just having all these God things hit me while, of all things, I write wedding thank you notes. Now what kind of deep thoughts could that be bringing up, you might think?
Well, I'll tell you.
I just got done writing a note to one of my faithful missions supporters. This couple, above all others, gave faithfully every single month for 2 full years that I was with Global Infusion. As the person sitting on the receiving end of that support, that is a huge deal. And when you have someone who gives that faithfully, not only does it strenghten your trust in God and allow you to breathe a little easier each month, knowing that at least one check will be faithfully coming your way, it also adds up. This couple made such an impact on my ability to stay with Global Infusion as long as I did, and prepared the way for me to do things like go to Thailand and stay for six months, allowing me to meet Dan, and leading me to be where I am right now, sitting on this new couch with this new apartment, new ring on my finger and new man by my side for life. How do you put that into a thank you note? I guess that's why I'm here now typing this out instead of just crying into that envelope.
It leads me to ask a lot of questions. How many people have been effected in that way because of my obedience? Not only that, but also by my my faithfulness? Obedience, well that I can say that I do pretty good with... at least some of the time... Faithfulness? Yikes, that one is a little harder. I hope that there are some. I'm sure there must be...at least one, maybe?
So let's not just focus on the past, but turn this into a challenge for the future... Who am I going to make that kind of impact on through my future obedience and faithfulness alone? I want it to be many! Being on this side of it, I want to be that person to as many other people as I can!
I've wrapped up the official "missionary" role for the time being (I say official, because we are all always called to be missionaries), so now that I'm not the one living on full-time support, who's life will I impact for eternity? Whose life will you impact for eternity? I hope for your sake, as well as mine, that it will be many.
Well, I'll tell you.
I just got done writing a note to one of my faithful missions supporters. This couple, above all others, gave faithfully every single month for 2 full years that I was with Global Infusion. As the person sitting on the receiving end of that support, that is a huge deal. And when you have someone who gives that faithfully, not only does it strenghten your trust in God and allow you to breathe a little easier each month, knowing that at least one check will be faithfully coming your way, it also adds up. This couple made such an impact on my ability to stay with Global Infusion as long as I did, and prepared the way for me to do things like go to Thailand and stay for six months, allowing me to meet Dan, and leading me to be where I am right now, sitting on this new couch with this new apartment, new ring on my finger and new man by my side for life. How do you put that into a thank you note? I guess that's why I'm here now typing this out instead of just crying into that envelope.
It leads me to ask a lot of questions. How many people have been effected in that way because of my obedience? Not only that, but also by my my faithfulness? Obedience, well that I can say that I do pretty good with... at least some of the time... Faithfulness? Yikes, that one is a little harder. I hope that there are some. I'm sure there must be...at least one, maybe?
So let's not just focus on the past, but turn this into a challenge for the future... Who am I going to make that kind of impact on through my future obedience and faithfulness alone? I want it to be many! Being on this side of it, I want to be that person to as many other people as I can!
I've wrapped up the official "missionary" role for the time being (I say official, because we are all always called to be missionaries), so now that I'm not the one living on full-time support, who's life will I impact for eternity? Whose life will you impact for eternity? I hope for your sake, as well as mine, that it will be many.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Value of $10
Some of you may have already read my facebook statuses asking for $10 towards Global Infusion, but you might be wondering what will $10 do? I have worked here at Global Infusion, a foreign missions organization for almost 2 years now. We plan missions trips for groups all around the world and we handle ALL of the administration and planning to make those trips happen. We do not take a single penny to cover our administrative costs from the trips. That's right. I work here for free, becuase I believe in what we are doing. That's why I need you. Your $10 one time gift allows me to live here at the GI campus. It helps me buy food and put gas in my car. It pays for my upcoming trip to Guatemala March 21-29 where I (along with my fiance) will be taking a group of 8 from a church in Colorado into the mountains to distribute food and share Christ. Your $10 allows for the distribution of food to those Guatemalians starving in the mountains. It helps us send out literally hundreds of people this summer on nearly 10 different trips to countries like Egypt, Thailand, Ghana, Ukraine, China, and Guatemala, where hundreds and thousands will be encountered by these GI missions teams and have an opportunity to experience the love of God. That is the value of your $10. What other $10 you spend has that kind of effect? Can you give?
Donate now at www.globalinfusion.org and specify my name in your donation to help me raise the support I need for my last 3 months here. Your $10 gift can change countless lives. Thank you!
Donate now at www.globalinfusion.org and specify my name in your donation to help me raise the support I need for my last 3 months here. Your $10 gift can change countless lives. Thank you!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Asking, Seeking, Knocking
"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8 (Amplified Version)
I don't like to ask for help. I have an independent spirit - I don't know, maybe part of being an only child. So this last year and a half has been hard on me. I've always had a job, always worked, always attempted to take care of myself. But when I came to live at Global Infusion and do missions full-time, I gave those things up. Even though I've worked a little bit here and there to supplement, the majority of my living has been dependent on others to financially support what I am doing. And it has been hard to live like that. Part of it is that I don't want to bother or inconvenience anyone. I know the state of the economy right now and that many people are having to cut back financially. I don't want to feel like a burden. Another big part of it is just pride, though. I want to be able to do it by myself. I know I have the ability to provide for myself and I would rather do that then rely on others (or the Lord) to take care of me.
Since I returned from Thailand, financial support has dropped significantly. I have a couple consistent supporters, for whom I am extremely greatful, but not enough to live on. I have bills coming up that I don't have the money to pay. And it's nothing extravagant. It's just the bare expenses of food, gas, car insurance. I've been throwing around the idea of trying to fit in another part-time job, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. And again, that's me trying to take care of things on my own without asking for help. I walked into church last night, after really debating if I should go or not, and the pastor spoke on the verse written above. He posed the question that maybe this verse isn't only talking about our prayer requests that we make of God. Perhaps this is a challenge of community - that we are to ask those around us when we are in need for help and give them the chance to help us out. I started crying as he spoke, knowing that I was trying again to avoid that level of vulnerability and avoid asking of others.
I know that I am doing the Lord's work and that He has called me here for this season. I know that as believers, there is a Great Commission mandate on our lives. One of my missionary friends (Sarah) challenged me that it is a privilege for others to support me to do missions because it allows them to fulfill their Great Commission mandate, something that the Bible makes very clear we are all supposed to do. I struggle to think like that though, and instead often end up feeling like a burden just always looking for handouts. I'm trying to see it differently and to change my thinking.
The bottom line is that I need your help. I think I have a hundred dollars to my name, and $600 of expenses each month. I still need to raise about $600 for the Guatemala trip next month, too. I'm only gonna be here for 4 more months, so all together that's $3000 I need to raise. Can you help? Any amount you can give will truly be a blessing. No amount is too small. If 100 people read this and each gave $30 that would take care of it. You can give through Global Infusion (www.globalinfusion.org) to support my rent and trip costs, or you can give to me individually and help me cover food, insurance and gas. Both are needed and both are equally important. If you aren't able to give, you still can help. Pray for me, and pass this along to someone you know who can help. Each person can do something.
Will you help me?
I don't like to ask for help. I have an independent spirit - I don't know, maybe part of being an only child. So this last year and a half has been hard on me. I've always had a job, always worked, always attempted to take care of myself. But when I came to live at Global Infusion and do missions full-time, I gave those things up. Even though I've worked a little bit here and there to supplement, the majority of my living has been dependent on others to financially support what I am doing. And it has been hard to live like that. Part of it is that I don't want to bother or inconvenience anyone. I know the state of the economy right now and that many people are having to cut back financially. I don't want to feel like a burden. Another big part of it is just pride, though. I want to be able to do it by myself. I know I have the ability to provide for myself and I would rather do that then rely on others (or the Lord) to take care of me.
Since I returned from Thailand, financial support has dropped significantly. I have a couple consistent supporters, for whom I am extremely greatful, but not enough to live on. I have bills coming up that I don't have the money to pay. And it's nothing extravagant. It's just the bare expenses of food, gas, car insurance. I've been throwing around the idea of trying to fit in another part-time job, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. And again, that's me trying to take care of things on my own without asking for help. I walked into church last night, after really debating if I should go or not, and the pastor spoke on the verse written above. He posed the question that maybe this verse isn't only talking about our prayer requests that we make of God. Perhaps this is a challenge of community - that we are to ask those around us when we are in need for help and give them the chance to help us out. I started crying as he spoke, knowing that I was trying again to avoid that level of vulnerability and avoid asking of others.
I know that I am doing the Lord's work and that He has called me here for this season. I know that as believers, there is a Great Commission mandate on our lives. One of my missionary friends (Sarah) challenged me that it is a privilege for others to support me to do missions because it allows them to fulfill their Great Commission mandate, something that the Bible makes very clear we are all supposed to do. I struggle to think like that though, and instead often end up feeling like a burden just always looking for handouts. I'm trying to see it differently and to change my thinking.
The bottom line is that I need your help. I think I have a hundred dollars to my name, and $600 of expenses each month. I still need to raise about $600 for the Guatemala trip next month, too. I'm only gonna be here for 4 more months, so all together that's $3000 I need to raise. Can you help? Any amount you can give will truly be a blessing. No amount is too small. If 100 people read this and each gave $30 that would take care of it. You can give through Global Infusion (www.globalinfusion.org) to support my rent and trip costs, or you can give to me individually and help me cover food, insurance and gas. Both are needed and both are equally important. If you aren't able to give, you still can help. Pray for me, and pass this along to someone you know who can help. Each person can do something.
Will you help me?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I'M ENGAGED!!!!
So the big news of the holidays for me was that over the Christmas holidays, Dan asked me to marry him...I said yes, of course! :) So we are engaged!!!!
I spent a wonderful 6 weeks or so in FL, catching up on rest, seeing family and friends and after Christmas - wedding planning as well!
I'm now back in Tennessee, where I will be staying until the wedding in June. I am helping out at Global Infusion as much as possible, while also working some on the side to pay the bills. Dan and I are planning to go with a team to Guatemala for a week in March, and we plan to stay involved with missions as much as possible when we are married, although at least initially it won't be our full time focus. We want to take a year or so to just concentrate on being married --- and enjoy being in the same state together!
So that is the most current update. If you would like to continue to financially support me through Global Infusion, that is definitely appreciated as I will be here the next few months and need to raise the money for the March Guatemala trip. Gifts can be sent to GI at:
4422 Timberlake Dr.
Louisville, TN 37777
And be sure to put my name in the memo. :)
I'll keep ya posted!
I spent a wonderful 6 weeks or so in FL, catching up on rest, seeing family and friends and after Christmas - wedding planning as well!
I'm now back in Tennessee, where I will be staying until the wedding in June. I am helping out at Global Infusion as much as possible, while also working some on the side to pay the bills. Dan and I are planning to go with a team to Guatemala for a week in March, and we plan to stay involved with missions as much as possible when we are married, although at least initially it won't be our full time focus. We want to take a year or so to just concentrate on being married --- and enjoy being in the same state together!
So that is the most current update. If you would like to continue to financially support me through Global Infusion, that is definitely appreciated as I will be here the next few months and need to raise the money for the March Guatemala trip. Gifts can be sent to GI at:
4422 Timberlake Dr.
Louisville, TN 37777
And be sure to put my name in the memo. :)
I'll keep ya posted!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Yes, I'm home...
So I went a little "under-the radar", "incognito," "m-i-a", or some sort of similar descriptive word to explain my absence of blogging since my departure from Phuket. The two weeks after I left were spent in Bangkok and India with little to no Internet, followed by re-entry to the US, which has involved lots of sleeping and face time with loved ones, Thanksgiving, the fabulous visit/roadtrip/intro to the family with Dan, and then a week of "catching up" on mail, bills, banks, car repairs, etc.
And so now I'm here, entering back into normal civilization. I'm not gonna lie - this is not an easy transition. And to be honest, even with the best explanations and descriptive words, you will never really understand. That is part of the difficulty of what I am experiencing as I return to US soil and my US life. I have changed. You have changed. All the best pictures and videos and stories of my time away will never allow you to experience what I have experienced. And the same goes for all you have been through. And I feel like I'm trying to fit back into a mold that I no longer fit in. It's like going to long without wearing your retainers. Things have moved and changed and it's no longer a comfortable fit.
And then there is the dreaded questions: "So what are you gonna do next?" Boy, I wish I knew. I'm gonna keep striving to love people like Jesus loves. Beyond that, I just don't know. I know change is on the horizon, but as to what exactly that is, I'm not sure yet. I'm in a season of waiting. I have a brief plan that lasts for about the next month, but even that could change at any moment. I am waiting on His voice and His leading, but also continuing with what I was doing before and also implementing the changes that happened in me overseas into this life. It's messy and frustrating. I'm sure there will be more updates as the days go by, but at this point I am taking one day at a time, seeking to hear His voice and take the opportunity to love as many people and share Jesus with them as I can each day. I believe that in that He will speak.
Pray for me if you think about it. I need it just as much now as when I was in Thailand, maybe even more in some ways. I need your support and encouragement as well in trying to adjust back to this culture. I need finances to come in during this transition time. Don't forget about me during this time. I would love to share conversations, stories, pictures, and coffee with you if you are willing to hear the good and bad, the joy and the pain, the laughter and the tears. There are both stories of triumph and success, and ones of defeat and disappointment, but it's real. And I think that is what God wants of us. To be real, and to risk loving even when it's messy.
And that's all I know to be right now.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Bye Bye Phuket!
In about 4 hours I say my goodbyes to everyone at SHE and leave for the airport and fly to Bangkok. I'll be meeting up with a few people from GI there - we'll stay there a few days, go to India for 6 days, and then back to Bangkok for a couple days before flying back to the States. Pray for safety as I/we travel and have an eventful last twelve days overseas. God is gonna do some big things! More updates to come soon. :)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Needing Direction
17 days now...it's really flying by.
My last post was talking about how I don't know what the next step is when I got back, and now another short-term opportunity has come up. Please pray with me as I decide about going on another short-term trip to a different Asian country the end of January. It's a new country that we will be traveling to with GI and is just a 1o day trip. I want to go if that is where God wants me, but I want to be sure. I know missions is always in the will of God, but I obviously can't go on every trip. It would be just under $2000 and I would definitely need the money to come in to purchase the plane ticket. I really need direction about this, and need to make a decision quick as they are planning to purchase airfare in the next few days. Please pray with me about this, and share any words the Lord gives you for me about this decision. Thanks! :)
James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
This is whats up...
28 days. 28 days and I will be back on American soil. Home. Or is it? I struggle more and more with that word. I think I follow more to the "home is where your heart is" mantra, although at the moment I feel like my heart is in at least 3 different places if that's the case. There is my "home" of Phuket, and more specifically SHE, where I have lived and loved for the last 5 months more deeply and purposefully than I have any place ever before, then there is Tampa, where I still consider to be "home" with all my beloved family and friends, Tennesse - both Cleveland and Knoxville could in some regards fit the bill for "home", and now there is this fabulous man running around with my heart in New York, so even though I've only been there once, my heart is already at "home" there now, too...
So what will all this mean? I see the 28 days drawing closer and closer and I have about 6 weeks planned out from there. Now, after living this "missions" lifestyle, advanced planning for 6 weeks out seems like a pretty long time in my mind, but I know it's gonna go like a snap of the finger. And then what? Well, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea. The options are limitless at this point. I could continue with Global Infusion, I could move to one of the various "homes" listed above doing any number of jobs that I could look for, or it might include someplace new - like the new home where my heart is waiting in NY ;), or even some place completely new. Have I mentioned that I have no idea? Cause I don't. But I'm not worried. God will not cease taking care of me as I search out the answer, and I honestly believe He's gonna speak and make himself clear in those 6 weeks. You can believe with me for this, and for the resources to sustain me as I figure it out. God is so good.
A quick testimony: I was extremely low on funds and in need of an airline ticket home and the money for expenses while I finish here, and I bought my airline ticket by faith. Within the next 24 hours after I bought it, over half the money was coming in through various supporters who contacted me. Now, just a couple weeks later, all the money is in! Praise God! (And a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who gave to help get me home!) He is so faithful, so I know He'll take care of me as He reveals the next step. He always has. He always will. I love that He's the "yesterday, today and forever" kind of God. The One you can ALWAYS rely and put your hope in. "Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is unfailing love..." Ps 130:7. Wow. What a good God. So that's whats up. :)
So what will all this mean? I see the 28 days drawing closer and closer and I have about 6 weeks planned out from there. Now, after living this "missions" lifestyle, advanced planning for 6 weeks out seems like a pretty long time in my mind, but I know it's gonna go like a snap of the finger. And then what? Well, to be perfectly honest, I have no idea. The options are limitless at this point. I could continue with Global Infusion, I could move to one of the various "homes" listed above doing any number of jobs that I could look for, or it might include someplace new - like the new home where my heart is waiting in NY ;), or even some place completely new. Have I mentioned that I have no idea? Cause I don't. But I'm not worried. God will not cease taking care of me as I search out the answer, and I honestly believe He's gonna speak and make himself clear in those 6 weeks. You can believe with me for this, and for the resources to sustain me as I figure it out. God is so good.
A quick testimony: I was extremely low on funds and in need of an airline ticket home and the money for expenses while I finish here, and I bought my airline ticket by faith. Within the next 24 hours after I bought it, over half the money was coming in through various supporters who contacted me. Now, just a couple weeks later, all the money is in! Praise God! (And a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who gave to help get me home!) He is so faithful, so I know He'll take care of me as He reveals the next step. He always has. He always will. I love that He's the "yesterday, today and forever" kind of God. The One you can ALWAYS rely and put your hope in. "Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is unfailing love..." Ps 130:7. Wow. What a good God. So that's whats up. :)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Just at the right moment
So I've been struggling with my "ministry" here at the moment, wondering how much of a difference it really makes that I sit and talk to girls while they are drinking and don't really know the language I speak and just feeling generally frustrated at this current place I'm in, and then I read this is the book "The Wounded Healer" and it really touched me, so I'm gonna pass it along. Hope this is for someone.
One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. The people were kins to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man were handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing over the boy to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: "It is better that one man dies than that the whole people be lost."
Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. And after the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the vollage because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sadnes, he remained in his room. That night an angel came to him, and asked, "What have you done?" He said, "I handed over the fugitive to the enemy." Then the angel said, "But don't you know that you have handed over the Messiah?" "How could I know?" the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said, "If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known."
While versions of this tale are very old, it seems the most modern of tales. Like that minister, who might have recognized the Messiah if he had raised his eyes from his Bible to look in the youth's eyes, we are challenged to look into the eyes of the young men and women of today, who are running away from out cruel ways. Perhaps that will be enough to prevent us from handing them over to the enemy and enable us to lead them out of their hidden places into the middle of their people where they can redeem us from our fears.
One day a young fugitive, trying to hide himself from the enemy, entered a small village. The people were kins to him and offered him a place to stay. But when the soldiers who sought the fugitive asked where he was hiding, everyone became fearful. The soldiers threatened to burn the village and kill every man in it unless the young man were handed over to them before dawn. The people went to the minister and asked him what to do. The minister, torn between handing over the boy to the enemy or having his people killed, withdrew to his room and read his Bible, hoping to find an answer before dawn. After many hours, in the early morning his eyes fell on these words: "It is better that one man dies than that the whole people be lost."
Then the minister closed the Bible, called the soldiers and told them where the boy was hidden. And after the soldiers led the fugitive away to be killed, there was a feast in the vollage because the minister had saved the lives of the people. But the minister did not celebrate. Overcome with a deep sadnes, he remained in his room. That night an angel came to him, and asked, "What have you done?" He said, "I handed over the fugitive to the enemy." Then the angel said, "But don't you know that you have handed over the Messiah?" "How could I know?" the minister replied anxiously. Then the angel said, "If, instead of reading your Bible, you had visited this young man just once and looked into his eyes, you would have known."
While versions of this tale are very old, it seems the most modern of tales. Like that minister, who might have recognized the Messiah if he had raised his eyes from his Bible to look in the youth's eyes, we are challenged to look into the eyes of the young men and women of today, who are running away from out cruel ways. Perhaps that will be enough to prevent us from handing them over to the enemy and enable us to lead them out of their hidden places into the middle of their people where they can redeem us from our fears.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The ups and downs...
I think I'm seeing the differece between short-term missions trips and longer-term ones. I'm having a lot of trouble finding words right now. Things have changed here. Unfortunately, the financial situation here at SHE has not been great lately. I'm sure the state of the world's economy has taken an effect as jewelry sales were down, donations were down, etc. It got to a point that Sharon and Mark had to do something about it. Something drastic. There was a downsize. More than half of the girls working here had to be let go. I found out on a Monday, Sept 28th that Wed Sept 30 would be the last day for most of the girls. More than half of my Thai family was leaving. I understood and I know that they only came to this decision after no others remained. But that didn't change the pain it caused, for all sides involved. The girls responded well to the news though, immediately jumping in with suggestions of places to go for work, etc. The day came and went, seamlessly, except for some tearful goodbyes at the day's close.
And then the next day it was back to work with the 5 that remained. Five. It feels so quiet, so empty. And yet it's peaceful. The leadership feels confident this was the right choice. And other choices are being made, changes keep happening.
Unfortunately, not all the girls who left are responding so well. See, I've crossed over some type of line in the last few weeks where I went from being around the Thai women, to being among them. I don't know how else to explain it. They really are my sisters, as much as I am one of theirs. The shift of having all other foreigners gone might have precipitated that. I'm not totally sure. But I'm grateful for it... In some ways, that is. I now know the real people. I know what they really do in their free time. I see them after work, in their down times, and I love that I really know them, yet at the same time, it's breaking my heart. Because I see all the choices, good and bad.
Remember the story of Hosea in the Bible? God asked him to do the unthinkable and marry a prostitute, portraying faithfulness and love to her as a picture of God' faithfulness to an adulterous Israel that played the harlot against their God. And if you've read Redeeming Love, you were no doubt affected by the expanded example of how this would probably flesh out. It's not always pretty. I feel like I'm living in that now. I was with many of my Thai sisters the other night, eating dinner, just being together. I asked about one of the women who wasn't there, and we decided to call her and see how she is. She answered and told me quite honestly that she couldn't find work, and so is back working at the bars where she was before SHE. I had no words. A thousand thoughts flew through my mind in only a fraction of a second - I have to get her out of there, how could she do that? were there really no other options?, among many others - but she must have noticed a pause and she went on, "I know, Eliz. I know!" And she does know. She knows exactly what she has walked right into. This is what she knows. When the pressure came on, this was where she knew she could go, one of the only skills she feels she has to offer. And a piece of the blinders fell off for me. A bit of my naivety was crumbled. I wanted to cry, to scream, to get on the floor like an angry 4 year old and throw a tantrum, I wanted to do something, to not just sit there feeling like the whole last 4 months I've been here have been for nothing. But that was exactly what I felt. Defeated. Betrayed. Broken-hearted. How must the Father's heart be breaking every day with this pain... Here I am bearing one tiny little fraction of it and ready to throw in the towel, to put up my white flag of suurender, close off my heart and go home. I did go home shortly after - to my SHE home, that is, and I had a package waiting for me from Dan. :) There was dark chocolate in it so I quickly broke that open while I examined the other parts. Among the treats was ann encouraging card. He said in the card that he had prayed for God to give him a word for me and this was what he got: "I am always faithful to you, remain faithful to me. Keep asking, keep seeking, and I will answer!" I talked to Dan later, and he was slightly exasperated, "it FINALLY got to you - that package should have been there a long time ago!", but then I shared with him what happened and we knew that package got to me at exactly the right day. I'm learning alot about the faithfulness of God. Him being faithful does not mean that He faithfully works everything out, because there's this whole "free will" thing going on, but He is faithfully there. And His Word is faithful, and it never returns void. I know that there were deposits of Truth, the Truth of God's Word deposited into her heart. Now it is God's turn to call her home. I trust that His Word will not return void, even though right now my eyes aren't seeing that reality. And it's harder to see this setting then what I would see as a two-week, enthusiastic missionary would, but this is the reality right now. And so now I pray and I fight in the spiritual, leaving the rest up to God. I remain faithful, cause He is still faithful. Always faithful. Never changing. This is our God.
And then the next day it was back to work with the 5 that remained. Five. It feels so quiet, so empty. And yet it's peaceful. The leadership feels confident this was the right choice. And other choices are being made, changes keep happening.
Unfortunately, not all the girls who left are responding so well. See, I've crossed over some type of line in the last few weeks where I went from being around the Thai women, to being among them. I don't know how else to explain it. They really are my sisters, as much as I am one of theirs. The shift of having all other foreigners gone might have precipitated that. I'm not totally sure. But I'm grateful for it... In some ways, that is. I now know the real people. I know what they really do in their free time. I see them after work, in their down times, and I love that I really know them, yet at the same time, it's breaking my heart. Because I see all the choices, good and bad.
Remember the story of Hosea in the Bible? God asked him to do the unthinkable and marry a prostitute, portraying faithfulness and love to her as a picture of God' faithfulness to an adulterous Israel that played the harlot against their God. And if you've read Redeeming Love, you were no doubt affected by the expanded example of how this would probably flesh out. It's not always pretty. I feel like I'm living in that now. I was with many of my Thai sisters the other night, eating dinner, just being together. I asked about one of the women who wasn't there, and we decided to call her and see how she is. She answered and told me quite honestly that she couldn't find work, and so is back working at the bars where she was before SHE. I had no words. A thousand thoughts flew through my mind in only a fraction of a second - I have to get her out of there, how could she do that? were there really no other options?, among many others - but she must have noticed a pause and she went on, "I know, Eliz. I know!" And she does know. She knows exactly what she has walked right into. This is what she knows. When the pressure came on, this was where she knew she could go, one of the only skills she feels she has to offer. And a piece of the blinders fell off for me. A bit of my naivety was crumbled. I wanted to cry, to scream, to get on the floor like an angry 4 year old and throw a tantrum, I wanted to do something, to not just sit there feeling like the whole last 4 months I've been here have been for nothing. But that was exactly what I felt. Defeated. Betrayed. Broken-hearted. How must the Father's heart be breaking every day with this pain... Here I am bearing one tiny little fraction of it and ready to throw in the towel, to put up my white flag of suurender, close off my heart and go home. I did go home shortly after - to my SHE home, that is, and I had a package waiting for me from Dan. :) There was dark chocolate in it so I quickly broke that open while I examined the other parts. Among the treats was ann encouraging card. He said in the card that he had prayed for God to give him a word for me and this was what he got: "I am always faithful to you, remain faithful to me. Keep asking, keep seeking, and I will answer!" I talked to Dan later, and he was slightly exasperated, "it FINALLY got to you - that package should have been there a long time ago!", but then I shared with him what happened and we knew that package got to me at exactly the right day. I'm learning alot about the faithfulness of God. Him being faithful does not mean that He faithfully works everything out, because there's this whole "free will" thing going on, but He is faithfully there. And His Word is faithful, and it never returns void. I know that there were deposits of Truth, the Truth of God's Word deposited into her heart. Now it is God's turn to call her home. I trust that His Word will not return void, even though right now my eyes aren't seeing that reality. And it's harder to see this setting then what I would see as a two-week, enthusiastic missionary would, but this is the reality right now. And so now I pray and I fight in the spiritual, leaving the rest up to God. I remain faithful, cause He is still faithful. Always faithful. Never changing. This is our God.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
So there's this guy...
I realize that I have been inept. I have had an incredible story develop for me over the past few months, and I have yet to share it. Now, I will cut myself some slack as it was developing during the same time of the car accident and my head wound...but there's no time like the present. 
So here I am in Thailand minding my own business, happy and content, knowing that I'm doing what God wants, and doing it contendedly single, and then something happens...
This is Dan. 
See Dan worship. Worship, Dan, worship! (haha I couldn't resist - this was sounding like one of those Dick and Jane books...)
Before Dan came to Thailand, the Lord prepared his heart that He might ask Dan to stay longer after his team left. He did. He stayed for an extra month. 
So here I am in Thailand minding my own business, happy and content, knowing that I'm doing what God wants, and doing it contendedly single, and then something happens...
This is Dan.
Dan is from New York. He came out to Thailand after completing his YWAM DTS in Montana. He spent a month in India before arriving in Thailand in July (just a mere 3 days or so after I would have left had I kept my original plan and left in July).
Dan is a worshipper/worship leader.
See Dan worship. Worship, Dan, worship! (haha I couldn't resist - this was sounding like one of those Dick and Jane books...)
Before Dan came to Thailand, the Lord prepared his heart that He might ask Dan to stay longer after his team left. He did. He stayed for an extra month.
Dan and I hit it off immediately. We found ourselves talking for hours every time we ended up around each other. I was intrigued by this man, as we found we had more and more things in common. I wasn't sure how he felt until he shared that he felt "compelled to get to know me more." I was equally compelled.
We participated in ministry together, worshipped together, ate Thai food together, laughed together, cried together, sat on the roof talking for hours together, and kept desiring to spend more and more time together. I saw him in so many situations throughout our two months here. I know 2 months doesn't seem like that long, but it's amazing how long it really is when you are on the missions field. And what's that they say about when you know, you know? Cause I know. And it's a very good thing.
Here I'm gonna steal Dan's words. When I came here, I expected to fall in love WITH Thailand. I never expected to fall in love IN Thailand. But I got both. What a tremendous blessing! There are so many more parts of the story unwritten here, and many more still to be written in our lives, but this is quite the beginning. And I know it is just that - only the beginning of a Divine romancenot yet fully written. I'm all in, though. :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
God's Mercy and Faithfulness
Isaiah 43: 1b-2
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
4-9
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth - everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Lead out those who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf. All the nations gather together and the peoples assemble."
10b-13
"Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed - I, and not some foreign god among you. 'You are my witnesses', declares the Lord, 'that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act who can reverse it?' "
16-21
"This is what the Lord says - he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise."
25
"I, even, I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
4-9
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth - everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Lead out those who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf. All the nations gather together and the peoples assemble."
10b-13
"Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior. I have revealed and saved and proclaimed - I, and not some foreign god among you. 'You are my witnesses', declares the Lord, 'that I am God. Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act who can reverse it?' "
16-21
"This is what the Lord says - he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise."
25
"I, even, I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Home Sweet Thailand
No it's not exactly home here, but it's the closest I've got at this point and it definitely holds a special place in my heart. Maybe it was the struggles of the India trip, or the fact that I almost wasn't allowed back in to the country, but whatever it was, I was overjoyed to return to Phuket. My last few days in India after the team left were somewhat fun, although my objective was to get another 60 day tourist visa for Thailand and that did not happen. Random Thai holiday meant the embassy was closed and my extra days there were then without purpose. Just adds up with all my visa struggles all along. Oh well, it will work out. It always does.
Then at the airport, the worker at the Thai Airways desk wouldn't give me my airline ticket. They had a problem with letting me on the plane without having a ticket to leave Thailand in my possession. I have entered Thailand twice already on a one way ticket, but this time, this particular person wasn't having it. It is apparently against the law and they weren't budging. I had a brief moment of panic, but wouldn't back down and eventually convinced them I would sign a waver releasing them of responsibility in case immigration stopped me and wouldn't let me in. And then I started praying. Upon landing in Thailand I had no problems getting in. I was not however able to get immigration to stamp me for 60 days like the man at the embassy in India had "assured" me they would do. I can't say I'm really surprised. I'm growing accustomed to misinformation in the visa department.
But I'm back and the countdown is on 38 days until the GI team comes out here to meet me and 51 days until I return to the US! Can you believe that???? So my plan is to finish out with a bang. This is the last leg of the marathon and I want to finish well. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray for finances too, cause things are really tight right now and I need money to get a return ticket and also to pay for the rest of my time here. If you'd like to help with that, leave me a comment or send an email and I'll let you know what you can do. Thanks! Love and miss you all. :)
Then at the airport, the worker at the Thai Airways desk wouldn't give me my airline ticket. They had a problem with letting me on the plane without having a ticket to leave Thailand in my possession. I have entered Thailand twice already on a one way ticket, but this time, this particular person wasn't having it. It is apparently against the law and they weren't budging. I had a brief moment of panic, but wouldn't back down and eventually convinced them I would sign a waver releasing them of responsibility in case immigration stopped me and wouldn't let me in. And then I started praying. Upon landing in Thailand I had no problems getting in. I was not however able to get immigration to stamp me for 60 days like the man at the embassy in India had "assured" me they would do. I can't say I'm really surprised. I'm growing accustomed to misinformation in the visa department.
But I'm back and the countdown is on 38 days until the GI team comes out here to meet me and 51 days until I return to the US! Can you believe that???? So my plan is to finish out with a bang. This is the last leg of the marathon and I want to finish well. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray for finances too, cause things are really tight right now and I need money to get a return ticket and also to pay for the rest of my time here. If you'd like to help with that, leave me a comment or send an email and I'll let you know what you can do. Thanks! Love and miss you all. :)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Highs and Lows of life in India
Wow...India...Where do I even begin?...
For starters, we arrived at the airport after I was praying away a fever on the plane (it went and they let me into the country - no problem. yay!). Then one of the team members bag was lost. This isn't normally such a problem but where we stay in India is in a relatively remote place about 5 hours from the airport. And we didn't have an address for it... So that took some work as they told us they would (somehow) get us the bag (eventually if it turned up...lol).
So we stayed in Chennai overnight (which ended up being about 5 hours of sleep) before the drive in the morning. About half way through, I looked up to see a herd of goats run out right in front of our car, and though our driver tried to miss them, it was inevitable, and we plowed over maybe 5 or more goats. Goat pieces went everywhere and an angry Shepherd shook his fist at us as we drove on without even stopping. Until the scraping sound of the car got to be too much for the driver and he pulled over and saw the whole bumper had been torn off and was dragging under the car. Don't let that stop him though - he just ripped it the rest of the way off and kept going! We did have to stop about every 20 minutes afterwards to pour water in the radiator as I think a goat took that out as a parting gift. Poor goats...
I should have taken that as a sign of what was to follow. The rest of the trip was misfortune after misunderstanding. I got sick with an intense fever on the second full day there and was out for 3 full days. (Was out for two, but then a 17 hour nonstop day of ministry put me under for another day). We were without power and water for a majority of the trip as well. Everyone got sick at least once. It was a rough time.
But despite all the logistical and circumstantial difficulties, the Lord still moved. Through our weakness, brokenness and exhaustion He flowed His life giving power. When we thought we could not go on any longer, He used us. We did 9 nights of outreach services in the villages and local churches. We did 3 different district pastors meetings (with 2 sessions each). We loved on kids at both Sarah's Covenant Homes, a Church Children's Home, a Hope Child Development Center, and a monthly children's meeting of kids from several churches. We spoke at church services, visited villages for door to door prayer, and handed out bags of rice for HIV/AIDS patients. We must have each preached at least a million messages (ok that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it felt like it). And through it all we got a taste of life for the many people working with our contact's ministry. Because as exhausting as it was for us, this is life for them. They are plowing away at the darkness, working tirelessly to bring the Kingdom of God to India. And we got to share that with them. We shared in the stories of church pastors seeing people healed of HIV, seeing many converted, seeing many mighty miracles. We shared meals with them (with the biggest portions you have ever seen...seriously, how can any one's stomach hold that much rice???), shared laughter and tears with them. We heard their hearts and the heart of the ministry there. And it moved us. It shook us and humbled us. It broke our hearts with the compassion of the Lord. The Bible tells us that whatever we've done to the least of these, we've done unto the Lord. We must have done a lot unto the Lord, because anyone would have classified the people as "least." But that's the cool thing about God. "Least" has a way of turning into "greatest", darkness turns into light, humility and servanthood turn into exaltation, the losing of a life results in the gaining of a better one.
So though we received exhaustion, weariness and brokenness, we were also refreshed encouraged and used despite it all. Only One could do that.
His name is Jesus.
For starters, we arrived at the airport after I was praying away a fever on the plane (it went and they let me into the country - no problem. yay!). Then one of the team members bag was lost. This isn't normally such a problem but where we stay in India is in a relatively remote place about 5 hours from the airport. And we didn't have an address for it... So that took some work as they told us they would (somehow) get us the bag (eventually if it turned up...lol).
So we stayed in Chennai overnight (which ended up being about 5 hours of sleep) before the drive in the morning. About half way through, I looked up to see a herd of goats run out right in front of our car, and though our driver tried to miss them, it was inevitable, and we plowed over maybe 5 or more goats. Goat pieces went everywhere and an angry Shepherd shook his fist at us as we drove on without even stopping. Until the scraping sound of the car got to be too much for the driver and he pulled over and saw the whole bumper had been torn off and was dragging under the car. Don't let that stop him though - he just ripped it the rest of the way off and kept going! We did have to stop about every 20 minutes afterwards to pour water in the radiator as I think a goat took that out as a parting gift. Poor goats...
I should have taken that as a sign of what was to follow. The rest of the trip was misfortune after misunderstanding. I got sick with an intense fever on the second full day there and was out for 3 full days. (Was out for two, but then a 17 hour nonstop day of ministry put me under for another day). We were without power and water for a majority of the trip as well. Everyone got sick at least once. It was a rough time.
But despite all the logistical and circumstantial difficulties, the Lord still moved. Through our weakness, brokenness and exhaustion He flowed His life giving power. When we thought we could not go on any longer, He used us. We did 9 nights of outreach services in the villages and local churches. We did 3 different district pastors meetings (with 2 sessions each). We loved on kids at both Sarah's Covenant Homes, a Church Children's Home, a Hope Child Development Center, and a monthly children's meeting of kids from several churches. We spoke at church services, visited villages for door to door prayer, and handed out bags of rice for HIV/AIDS patients. We must have each preached at least a million messages (ok that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it felt like it). And through it all we got a taste of life for the many people working with our contact's ministry. Because as exhausting as it was for us, this is life for them. They are plowing away at the darkness, working tirelessly to bring the Kingdom of God to India. And we got to share that with them. We shared in the stories of church pastors seeing people healed of HIV, seeing many converted, seeing many mighty miracles. We shared meals with them (with the biggest portions you have ever seen...seriously, how can any one's stomach hold that much rice???), shared laughter and tears with them. We heard their hearts and the heart of the ministry there. And it moved us. It shook us and humbled us. It broke our hearts with the compassion of the Lord. The Bible tells us that whatever we've done to the least of these, we've done unto the Lord. We must have done a lot unto the Lord, because anyone would have classified the people as "least." But that's the cool thing about God. "Least" has a way of turning into "greatest", darkness turns into light, humility and servanthood turn into exaltation, the losing of a life results in the gaining of a better one.
So though we received exhaustion, weariness and brokenness, we were also refreshed encouraged and used despite it all. Only One could do that.
His name is Jesus.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
In India again
So I'm in India again. I've been super bad about updating the blog lately, but it's been a pretty rough and busy month. I left on Wed to come back to India for two weeks with a GI team from the States. It is so incredibly hot here, and we are keeping really busy with services or outreaches - 3 a day! Please pray for me, cause I've come down with something here and am running a really high fever. I had to stay behind from the outreaches today. Also I just got word back from my family that my grandfather passed away this morning. Please keep praying, as this has been a really hard time for me lately.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Return to Normalcy
Well, praise God I made it through a relatively uneventful weekend. After the last month or so, I am relieved that things seem to be returning a bit more to normal. Friday morning I met with the men from the accident and the Thai insurance agent for the last time and fully settled everything from the accident. This was our third meeting, and a lot of time and hassle (and money) have been spent to get everything taken care of. Thailand has this "Thai culture" thing that if you are in an accident with someone, it is culturally expected that you give the party in the accident a "gift" as a way of apologizing and taking care of them. If two Thai's are in an accident, this is a relatively small amount of money. However, if a foreigner is in an accident with a Thai, the amount that you are expected to give jumps significantly. I had to pay 10,000 Baht to each of the two Thai guys who were in the accident (about $650) for this "gift." It is slightly frustrating, but what are you going to do? Otherwise they talk about taking you to court, and that could drag on for an indefinite amount of time, meaning I would have to stay in Thailand until the whole thing was resolved. So I shut my mouth and decided to be "culturally correct" and just pay the "gift". I'm just happy it is resolved now and I don't have to mess with it anymore.
Saturday involved a fun day of avoiding the rain by staying indoors all day. Dan took me to a music store that has piano practice rooms and I got to play the piano with him for an hour and just have some good time of worship. Then we went to another shopping area to walk around and enjoy some ITALIAN food for dinner. So incredibly yummy...
Sunday, Dan and I had to go on another visa run, because they've just recently changed the rule that a border run only gets you 15 days extra in your passport and not 30 days like it used to. So we got picked up for the 4 hour drive to the Myanmar border at 6:45 Sunday morning! Then when you get to the border you stand in a line, get your passport stamped to exit, hop in a 20 minute boat ride across to Myanmar, stand in a line to get your passport stamped that you've entered Myanmar, jump back in the boat for 20 minutes back to Thailand, and stand in another line to get your passport stamped that you can stay in Thailand for another 15 days before riding 4 hours in the bus back to Phuket again! The whole process is very silly, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to do it with. :) Dan has gotta be one of the most fun people ever, so I never mind any time I have to spend with him.
My favorite thing Dan and I did over the weekend was our Sunday night dinner. Almost every night, we walk down to this small "hut" restaurant that makes some fabulous cheap Thai food about 5-10 minutes from the SHE center. Along the way, there are always Thai people out on their front steps or just talking and hanging out in the streets, and we've been able to make friends with some of them. One lady we've met is named Joy and she speaks very good English. She invited us to come eat dinner with her one night, so we went and sat on her front porch Sunday with her and her neighbors and enjoyed a fabulous time of food and fellowship. I was a bit nervous about what we were going to have to eat, and was not relieved when I saw them bringing this WHOLE CATFISH they'd roasted on a stick over to us. But it was surprisingly very good with the sticky rice and spicy Papaya salad. And I think I would have eaten almost anything just to get that time with our new friends. I love people. I love talking with them, laughing with them, and just sharing life with them. I was pretty well beaming when we walked away, because I just really feel like this is what Jesus would have us to do with our time. I'm so grateful that Dan is passionate about loving people as well, cause it is just so much fun doing stuff like that with him. I think I'm gonna have to keep him. ;)
Monday night Dan and I took two girls who are currently helping out at SHE for their first night of outreach to the bars in Patong. It had been nearly 3 weeks since I had been down there, and I think was a much needed break to refresh me for that type of ministry. We didn't stay for too long, but were able to talk to a few girls in a couple of bars, and give the new girls a taste of what the nightlife is like in Patong. It is such a dark place in need of revival. I desire so much for it to happen. Phuket is such a beautiful place, and I would love for it to be known for its beauty more than its commercial sex industry. All in all, though, it was a good time, and I'm happy to be back involved in this work after my forced sabbatical because of the accident and the flu I got right after. God is good. :)
Saturday involved a fun day of avoiding the rain by staying indoors all day. Dan took me to a music store that has piano practice rooms and I got to play the piano with him for an hour and just have some good time of worship. Then we went to another shopping area to walk around and enjoy some ITALIAN food for dinner. So incredibly yummy...
Sunday, Dan and I had to go on another visa run, because they've just recently changed the rule that a border run only gets you 15 days extra in your passport and not 30 days like it used to. So we got picked up for the 4 hour drive to the Myanmar border at 6:45 Sunday morning! Then when you get to the border you stand in a line, get your passport stamped to exit, hop in a 20 minute boat ride across to Myanmar, stand in a line to get your passport stamped that you've entered Myanmar, jump back in the boat for 20 minutes back to Thailand, and stand in another line to get your passport stamped that you can stay in Thailand for another 15 days before riding 4 hours in the bus back to Phuket again! The whole process is very silly, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to do it with. :) Dan has gotta be one of the most fun people ever, so I never mind any time I have to spend with him.
My favorite thing Dan and I did over the weekend was our Sunday night dinner. Almost every night, we walk down to this small "hut" restaurant that makes some fabulous cheap Thai food about 5-10 minutes from the SHE center. Along the way, there are always Thai people out on their front steps or just talking and hanging out in the streets, and we've been able to make friends with some of them. One lady we've met is named Joy and she speaks very good English. She invited us to come eat dinner with her one night, so we went and sat on her front porch Sunday with her and her neighbors and enjoyed a fabulous time of food and fellowship. I was a bit nervous about what we were going to have to eat, and was not relieved when I saw them bringing this WHOLE CATFISH they'd roasted on a stick over to us. But it was surprisingly very good with the sticky rice and spicy Papaya salad. And I think I would have eaten almost anything just to get that time with our new friends. I love people. I love talking with them, laughing with them, and just sharing life with them. I was pretty well beaming when we walked away, because I just really feel like this is what Jesus would have us to do with our time. I'm so grateful that Dan is passionate about loving people as well, cause it is just so much fun doing stuff like that with him. I think I'm gonna have to keep him. ;)
Monday night Dan and I took two girls who are currently helping out at SHE for their first night of outreach to the bars in Patong. It had been nearly 3 weeks since I had been down there, and I think was a much needed break to refresh me for that type of ministry. We didn't stay for too long, but were able to talk to a few girls in a couple of bars, and give the new girls a taste of what the nightlife is like in Patong. It is such a dark place in need of revival. I desire so much for it to happen. Phuket is such a beautiful place, and I would love for it to be known for its beauty more than its commercial sex industry. All in all, though, it was a good time, and I'm happy to be back involved in this work after my forced sabbatical because of the accident and the flu I got right after. God is good. :)
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